Wear the Clothes: Jane Stewart on Reinvention and Building a Movement

Opening And Guest Setup

Judy Oskam 0:01

Have you ever reached a point in your life when you start wondering, is this really who I want to be? Maybe you've spent years building a career, meeting expectations, and doing what you're supposed to do, but somewhere along the way you begin to feel ready for something different. Well, my guest Jane Stewart knows something about that. After more than 20 years in the corporate world, Jane began a journey of personal reinvention. Today, through Inspired with Jane, she uses Western fashion storytelling and her own experiences to encourage others to express who they really are. I'm Judy Oskam, and this is Stories of Change, Helping You Navigate What's Next. Thanks for joining me from Canada, Jane. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Jane Stewart 0:46

It's a pleasure. I'm so glad we're connected. I am too. I just know this energy, and I uh I went and I watched your TED talk and other uh conversations you had, and I thought I loved I really you know right away who speaks the language of let's go, let's go get this life. So thank you for having me.

Losing Parents Sparks Reinvention

Judy Oskam 1:05

Same here. What was the moment that you realized that the life you'd built wasn't necessarily the life you wanted to keep living? How did you decide that?

Jane Stewart 1:16

I can pin it to the moment when in the last four and a half years, both my parents passed away. And so my mother died last. And when I came home after the service, I stood in the kitchen and I knew that moment was the universe was saying to me that I needed to pay more attention to what I really needed to do for myself, take responsibility. And that was the moment that I decided I really felt I did feel depression. I think it was a fortunately the world talks about depression and what goes on, and I knew right away it was wrong, but I also knew it was right to say yes to getting help. So that was the moment for me to go, I'm getting a therapist. And um that was it. Uh yeah it's very memorable. Uh, because that that feeling of depression is quite something.

Judy Oskam 2:05

Yeah, and I I lost my mom last month, last month. She was 95. Sorry to hear that. She had a great life.

Jane Stewart 2:13

It's heavy. It's also, I think, a parent's uh I maybe I foolishly uh delusion, but I I probably think you can relate in some way with uh it I think the message from my parents, especially my mother, was okay, now it's you need to do this. That's her gift to me.

Judy Oskam 2:31

Yeah, exactly. Well, and again, isn't it sort of freeing in your 60s too? Oh what happens there that just kind of frees us up to thinking, what the heck not? Why not?

Jane Stewart 2:42

I think a lot of lived experience through, uh-oh, I should have done that differently. It stacks up. And I I believe that if we're paying attention and we say yes, we start to change.

Judy Oskam 2:52

Yeah, I love that. Well, and what what was the hardest part of starting for

Therapy Uncovers Childhood Trauma

Judy Oskam 2:57

you?

Jane Stewart 2:57

The hard well, the hardest part was uh for me, my lived experience was when I got into therapy, was I wandered into this thinking it's about depression and grief and recognized that, but I did not know what would come in therapy, which was a flashback of my childhood trauma. So in that moment, that was really, that was like I haven't I my parents that have me was lost, was heavy, but my heart ached. I I it I I wasn't having a heart attack, but I felt like it ached. People have described that deep ache of, oh my gosh, I have this childhood trauma now once. So there was a very uh hard moment where it was, okay, well, fortunately I was in therapy, but now I have to go back and deal and recognize this and take responsibility. So it was hard, but it was the most beautiful work and the difficult work of my life, but it was my it is my destiny. So I know that now, three years later after

Remembering The 16-Year-Old Self

Jane Stewart 4:01

therapy.

Judy Oskam 4:01

Yeah. Well, and I think too, didn't your therapist, I've read about yours, your your story as well. And didn't your therapist ask you what was your life like at 16?

Jane Stewart 4:11

Yes. Yeah, she asked me a lot of those. I, you know, I I don't know anything about therapy because I'm not, but my goodness, I love her for asking me those questions that were so thought-provoking and very smart in a way that I sat there and I I had not thought about the 16-year-old for a person, I I can't even decade. So I just it dawned on me, I love fashion, and and uh I'd forgotten that. Uh life had gotten very busy and sad for me in childhood depression and trauma. So I was very grateful for that question in opening the thoughts around, oh my gosh, that's who I was. That's who I can go back and talk about. So very instrumental in in me understanding where I want to go.

Judy Oskam 4:58

Well, and I think some of that would you know, describe yourself at 16, where you were enjoying Vogue magazines. Talk about that a little bit.

Jane Stewart 5:07

I love well, here's the sad and the good story. The the story is that uh I I didn't know when I look back, I understood the magazines I bought because my father got mad at me. Uh, I was 16 and I wanted a lot of toys. I wanted the Sony Walkman. Back then it was, and he said, go get a job. I was like, oh, so I got a part-time job. And uh the part-time job paid well. So I took my entire paycheck and I bought, we had a we had a magazine store in our town, like it wall to wall at the time, where I bought international and North American fashion magazines. I stacked up on them. I mean, I became a regular and I would take those magazines. I bought my Coke back then with my own money. It was such a strange ritual. And and I bought crackers and cheese. It was, and I would stack them up, I would get go down to my bedroom and I would comb through the magazines, looking at the details on the fabric, studying how it was styled, who stuck who made it, where it was, the models. I became immersed. The the looking back, it was a therapeutic tool for me to soothe myself because of the childhood trauma. Uh, so it worked in a way, but it also gave me something later in life that I had no idea how powerful it was. So that's the that was my ritual.

Building Inspired With Jane Community

Judy Oskam 6:34

And now we're watching you kind of explode on social media in fashion. And I love, you know what I noticed about the name of your brand, if you will, it's um inspired with Jane, not by Jane. That was on purpose, right?

Jane Stewart 6:51

It was very intentional because when I was, I do a lot of writing, you know, uh sorry, I meant to say on my phone, my notes app. Uh, I find it much easier to do it there. But when I was writing, I was like, okay, but if I make it by, I want comp women to come with me on this journey. So that was very intentional. On, and I'm all about community because I thought by was more centered on just me. And so that was thank you for recognizing that. It was very intentional.

Judy Oskam 7:21

Yeah, and so you're bringing us along with you. What's your goal as our guide, as our tour guide? What do you want us to take back home and change in our own lives?

Jane Stewart 7:34

I think that what I recognize about the community that is so beautiful, that is walking through all of this life at young. By the way, I have a community that starts around 30. Yeah. I think by way of example, we are showing younger women they can ask. And here's your answer is what's next for me? So we are they're seeing us at 50 and 60 and late 40s saying, I should have asked my, I didn't necessarily, I did this degree, I went to college, I want to change, or I it's not that about unhappy marriages or anything, or unhappy single life or kids. It's about the question a woman starts to ask, like, I'm curious about something different for myself. And so I think we're giving permission universally, and that's what I want women to know is that when that question comes in, it's not it's not a matter of, because I hear it, I'm stuck, I'm asking myself this. I believe when you start to ask yourself, you are not stuck at all. That's the very beginning of the uncomfortable question of I'm going to stay curious and take action and explore. So that's what I would encourage any woman to sort of that it's not a oh, I'm stuck. I keep asking myself that question. Absolutely not. The universe or whatever you believe in is bringing that question to you to get you to start unfolding this and discover something different. And I that's that's very different for every woman.

Fashion As Self-Love And Identity

Judy Oskam 9:08

And I think that's also not only, it's not just for women in that third chapter, if you will, because I want students to understand that they can chart their own path. I want them to see that, and that's why I think using fashion as sort of a tool there helps them get there, don't you?

Jane Stewart 9:29

I agree. I do believe uh this is a bit of an install. My mother loved fashion. My father was uh uh my mother was very beautiful in fashion. She took care of herself whether she went to the store or even to work out. My father was also an entrepreneur, but he dressed for success. And that was a part of his presence. And by showing up, it's another layer of self-love. And it's not about money, it's about just taking the time. I think it's so important to do so that it is a vehicle to kind of show up uh for yourself and also your unique self. And so that's a very powerful message. You your students should know I have a 29-year-old uh son, and he too explored different things uh uh, you know, in going through. He's a large crane operator. And I'm telling you this story because right out of high school he felt a lot of pressure to go get a degree, to do all these things. There was a tremendous, not from us, but a lot, and what we found out in this first, his friends all did this, they're going to university and college. They did what they thought was probably by way of example, which is beautiful in their parents. But what he discovered was all of this, he had options. He didn't have to decide he could do this one thing and then do the next thing. And so, students, what I'm telling you is that a lot of his friends did come to him later because they'd finished university and college, some of them like extensively, and discovered that what he had found out earlier is that he did he wasn't disappointing anybody by saying, No, I'm going to shift and ask myself what's next. It may your degree, whatever tools you have is useful in in an entirely different area of your life. So I encourage that in all facets that that makes sense.

Judy Oskam 11:26

Yeah, for sure, for sure. And I think students often think there's a plan, and people do. I have a 28-year-old, how old is Danny now? 28-year-old and 25-year-old, almost 26. And so I keep saying there's not a plan, there's not a magic plan. And our students who get ready to graduate, they think, okay, now what? Well, you have to make it happen yourself. Absolutely. And I always want people to not have regrets. So try it, try it. Absolutely.

Jane Stewart 11:56

You know, yeah, it is very important to stay curious throughout your whole life and to uh obviously there's certain situations when you don't are at are not with a family situation when you can make moves that are different. When you're younger, the curiosity is a beautiful thing because it will lead you to where you really need to be. And there's no timeline on it. And I tell that to women all the time, not just students. So yeah, it's quite remarkable.

Judy Oskam 12:24

Well, and I think when when they can see you and I can't wait to see every day what you're wearing, is that pressure on you?

Jane Stewart 12:31

Is that pressure? No, no, because it's it's no pressure on me because it's it's what uh it's what I feel joy in. So it's no different than somebody else that gets up and teaches a class. That's the joy, uh, or does paints, or uh does yoga. I mean, or it it's so in immersive, and uh I go off into my own world. There's never any pressure. It's really I'm telling a story of Jane and how I see that day. And uh, so that's how it evolves every single

Real Transformations From Women Together

Jane Stewart 13:06

day.

Judy Oskam 13:06

I love that. Well, and I know you're doing uh your speaking engagements and you're doing workshops and all of that. What are you hearing from the women who come and see you? What are they walking away with? And what have you had a situation where you've really seen a transformation?

Jane Stewart 13:24

I've had many, uh I've been a witness and part of the many women's transformation. And I I want to make a note here the transformation isn't always a TV show, a book. You know, we're there, we there's a lot of it has to be bigger, go home. Uh, so the transformations that I witnessed was remarkable when the most recent event I hosted in Calgary, Alberta, Unbroken, uh, was when women collectively came from all over North America. So Canada, Boston, California, Michigan. I mean, and so what I witnessed was because I met most of them one-on-one. And I had been following their stories uh on Instagram. That's how I met them initially. Sure. And uh, you know, where they're starting, what they're building. And when they showed up to the event, because that was eight months building this event. So that's eight months for them. And they I met them, they told me stories about doing very brave things. Some of this was just going to meet and greets at coffee shops. That isn't so that transformation from I've had I put so much into my kids my whole life. I don't know, I don't know what I like to eat. I don't even know what kind of coffee I like. I don't have a social life. That was a transformation that when I met women or a woman that told me that, I was excited. So again, it's that small step. I witnessed women who were building online uh communities that are powerful and leading women in brand building who had a different career. Uh, one woman who flew all the way from Texas, she was a professional dancer and transformed and said, This is what I want now. I the stories, what happened in that event was not about the event as much as I was gifted. Uh women who collectively shared their stories, their transformation, and continuing to grow. It was one after the other, the greatest gift. I couldn't believe it. It's sort of a movement, isn't it? You're starting a movement here, Jane. I think so among yourself, by the way, because we are all collectively women who are deciding to share the story. We're all leading a movement in our own way. We never, we always have to remind ourselves that we make an impact. The silence is not necessarily a reflection of, oh, is it working? Am I making an impact? So we thank you for that. I, among millions of other women in this world, are walking forward into building a movement of owning yourself and you don't need permission.

Judy Oskam 16:03

I see that in my own life, and I see it with my friends and my colleagues who are kind of hitting certain milestones or changes, or just asking themselves, what's next for me? And I think that's challenging. That's hard to do when we've kind of never been encouraged to do that in a way. You know, we've been trying to follow the right path all the time, you know.

Jane Stewart 16:28

I agree. I think women are born uh blessed with the ability to do just about anything. It develops. We are caregivers, we're caring. I mean, it did that's a beautiful gift. The balance in that is remembering, you know, what you want and what you feel is joy in life. And so later on in life, when that's discovered or asked, or curiosity evolves, yeah, it is it is fear because it you've created a habit around something that you thought was where you always were going to be. But it it is the fear in itself that deserves to be just knocked out of the way and go all in.

Judy Oskam 17:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, is there is there a question we should start with when we're when we're sort of at the at the edge of the cliff there, wanting to do something? Is there something? What's the first step for

Start Small And Build Momentum

Judy Oskam 17:15

that?

Jane Stewart 17:15

The first step is what can I do that's so small and attainable that today? So the qu this and and the thing is, is in that question, small attainable, and then when I'm done, I'm gonna laugh about it. Let me explain. Because I started this way. I instead of the New Year's Eve, you know, New Year's resolute, which is I'm gonna do this in six months, because that fails. That's a proven for most people. Uh I I started saying, what can I do today that's small enough that I can do, I can I have all day. So I need a half an hour to do the one thing that's small enough that when I'm finished, I go, oh my gosh, I kind of chuckle at myself and go, why did I wait a year? So that's what I talk about is the one small thing could simply mean uh sometimes it's I want to be more active. Then you go for a walk for 10 minutes and you get home and you go, Wow, I can't believe I waited so long. So that is attainable because I think in our lives we we're busy. We have uh children, we might have spouses, we might have jobs or several different things going on, parents, etc. And to make it small fits into a schedule, and that's important. So then by that one small question, what you build is momentum and you build confidence and you gain more time on what is next for you.

Judy Oskam 18:44

That is great advice to start small and just start, right? Start one little step.

Jane Stewart 18:50

Yeah. In action, there is growth. Yeah, it's not about, and so what I learned from my 20-year corporate was I don't need to know. I I did need to know in corporate the answer to the end, but now in action, I it's in the middle part that teaches us the most. Just focus on that, the action.

Judy Oskam 19:08

Yeah. Well, look ahead then. Where do you take this movement? Where do you want to be next year at this time? What's your thought on that?

Jane Stewart 19:15

Uh, my goal is uh more speaking engagements, uh, to which what I've discovered about uh myself is my speaking engagements will be more intimate in a smaller scale. They will be uh intimate in a sense that it may involve a weekend, but also perhaps just an evening of dinner, me speaking, dinner, and then conversation, community, and connection after. Because I I also for me that's starting small, right? So it it will build the community of women getting inspired after that. And I think that's just what women are craving. That's what they're telling me. And so, and a continual aspect of fashion, and I don't really have that nailed down a hundred percent yet.

Closet Challenge And Closing Takeaways

Judy Oskam 20:03

What's a what's a small step fashion-wise, women can do, or men, it didn't have to be men.

Jane Stewart 20:08

Both men and women, I think a small step is to walk into your closet and ask yourself why you're not wearing something. Why is it sitting on the hanger? And that is before before something's telling you, oh, it's too bold, I can't wear it, I'm waiting for the special occasion. It's it's a very small question that could lead you to slipping on that jacket and just going quickly to the store. And then so what you start to discover is again that question, why did I wait so long to wear the pants, the jacket, the scarf, the hat? I had a conversation yesterday with a woman who talked about that, about wearing a certain type of hat. And I, you know, she it dawned on her that it was sitting in her closet, and what she was concerned about was it didn't fit in where she lived. So what's but there's no evidence that anybody she had been making a story up that somebody was gonna say something. It's that, but there was no evidence to that conversation. So she wore the hat and came home and thought she'd visited someplace about five years ago. This hat was sitting there. So go into your closet and put on something that you wouldn't normally and go out. And the time limit's important because it is uncomfortable, right? It it's it's so if you go out and you just go through drive-thru, but you wore it, that's a step in the right direction.

Judy Oskam 21:35

That's a good idea, yes.

Jane Stewart 21:36

So it's it's I know that's but that quite often is in my inbox or conversational. I have a whole closet full. Um, I I'm looking at it why. So it's mostly fear of what people will think. And the truth is when people go out, they come home and think nobody's paying attention, nobody cared. Yes, some women get a compliment. Yes. So wear the clothes.

Judy Oskam 21:58

Yes. Uh yeah. Yeah. Wear the clothes, um, take the risk, take the chance. Any last words you want to share with with people that are kind of wondering about how do I jump into this new space in my life?

Jane Stewart 22:13

I think them really I've talked about it in a way all the way through this conversation, which is action is not the enemy. Action is your your partner in getting you to where you need to go. And so in action, it's going to be crazy. It's going to be uh, you know, in action, what also needs to be reminded is that let's say you take action, you try a yoga class, and you think, ah, it's not for me. That's not a failure. That is simply taking it off the list of I did it, and now I think I'm gonna try, you know, a walk-in class. So action will get you to where it eliminates and it also grows. It's the most beautiful thing you can do for yourself. Stay curious, take action, and believe me, the magic is right in there. You will start to discover parts of yourself you never knew.

Judy Oskam 23:06

I love that. Jane, thank you so much for sharing.

Speaker 23:08

Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it.

Judy Oskam 23:13

What I take from Jane Stewart's story is that finding what's next can begin with something we used to love. For Jane, that was fashion. What have you been saving for another day? Wear the clothes, try the class, give yourself permission to begin and just see what you learn. I'm Judy Oskam. Thanks for listening to Stories of Change, Helping You Navigate What's Next.