When Plan A Doesn't Work: Sara McDaniel on Starting Over and Rebuilding a Life

When Plan A Falls Apart

Sara McDaniel 0:00

My plan A did not work out the way I wanted it to. Like I was supposed to be probably a grandmother by now. I'm almost 50, you know, um, retiring from the public school system, white picket fence with 2.5 kids, and that didn't happen.

Judy Oskam 0:15

Life doesn't come with a roadmap. Sometimes starting over means leaving behind almost everything you know. And that's Sara McDaniel's story. I'm Judy Oskam, and this is Stories of Change: Helping You Navigate What's Next. After a devastating divorce, Sara McDaniel walked away from a corporate career and moved home to Louisiana. She began rebuilding her life. As she restored a worn-down 1926 cottage, something else started taking shape, her own healing and a new sense of purpose. Sara is the creative force behind Simply Southern Cottage. She's the author of The Bright Side of the Other Side of Memoir about Resilience, Faith, and Second Chances. Sara, thanks for joining me today. And I'll tell you, I'm almost done with the book and I'm loving it. Yes, I'm almost done. So let's start with the big

Divorce, Infertility, And The Do-Over

Judy Oskam 1:12

question. What finally happened to make you realize you had to leave the life you knew and start over?

Sara McDaniel 1:19

Well, um, I know it's cliche, and I know everybody listening don't know my story just yet, but I walked through a horrible divorce and I thought I am never going to be happy ever again. Um, and ultimately I decided to hire a life coach, Laurel Emory. And, you know, we just like looked at all the opportunity that was in front of me, right? And I realized like I've got a do-over, right? I have the opportunity to rewrite my path ever how I want to do it. And we worked a plan that eventually it actually worked out better than what we thought, you know, but it led me to where I am today.

Judy Oskam 2:03

Well, you you went through some challenges with infertility. I share that with you too. I've went I've gone through that, and that's just really difficult sometimes. But then a marriage that went south that didn't go well. So, what beyond the coaching though, what do you think was in you to really take you to look at things on, as you say, the bright side?

Sara McDaniel 2:26

Yeah, so I mean, I was just so adamant that the things that happened to me, and when people read the book, they're gonna see like it wasn't just the divorce, like it was like one thing after another for several years, you know. And I'm just like, I am not going to let like these terrible things define the rest of my life. Like, I'm not gonna sit in pity, I am not gonna sit in squalor, like I'm gonna, in essence, make lemonade out of lemons, right? And then like the Lord laid this house in front of me and gave me the beautiful opportunity to renovate it all the while I am, you know, healing for my divorce. And it became this outward depiction of the joy that I now had in my heart.

Judy Oskam 3:14

The house is a metaphor then for your life, then.

Sara McDaniel 3:18

That's right, that's right. It was, and you know, I've got this bright yellow door, and you cannot like look at the front of my house without just smiling. Like it just looks so happy, and it truly is the outward display of the joy that I have in my heart.

Judy Oskam 3:34

Well, I like in the book the way you really you you wrote your story, and you were very raw in that. It's a very powerful story. I want to thank you for sharing it like that. But I like how you turned and you talked to to me, the reader during that. I liked how you had some some sentences in there about. Have you ever felt that way? And I'm like, yeah, I really have. And I think that that was a good approach to really reaching. So you've got a lot of takeaways for for the reader.

Sara McDaniel 4:05

The story is about my life, right? But ultimately, when people read this book, I want them to see the hope that is on the other side, right? Like all of these bad things

A Cottage Renovation As Healing

Sara McDaniel 4:18

happened, and bad things may be happening to you too, but you can take some intentional steps to get out of that rut and find your bright side.

Judy Oskam 4:28

Well, and I think the house is your way. Other people have other ways that they will go through that and find their own joy and find their happiness. But was there a time when you thought it wasn't gonna work that way?

Sara McDaniel 4:41

Oh my goodness. Like, yes, there's a lot of times that I thought it wasn't gonna work that way. You know, um, first, like going back to the divorce, like I really thought for like, you know, two, three years, like I am never gonna find my way out of this. Like, I'm never going to be happy ever again, right? Um, and then, you know, when I found my house, there's this whole other story about it being a 22-month journey to secure this house, right? It was not for sale, and so I was using my um my salesperson skills that I had learned to basically like woo and pursue the owners to sell me this house. And so it was a delicate dance, and there were times like I think it's gonna work out, and then they would go cold, and then they would come back around, you know. Um, but ultimately, like, I think the timing happened exactly how it was supposed to.

Judy Oskam 5:34

Yeah, yeah. Well, and and I love how you you were able to go home again and connect. You had a family. What does that tell you about the you know, the strength of family?

Sara McDaniel 5:45

Oh my goodness. So um again, this is a spoiler alert. Um, but um, I moved home, and one of the reasons that I moved home was because my parents were here, right? And when I looked at the last like 20 years of my life and how fast it had gone by, you know, I'm like, I want to be with my parents, like during the sunset of their life, having no idea that seven years after I moved home, my dad would pass away from a brand leave, you know, and so it was so priceless and precious that I was able

The Long Pursuit Of A Home

Sara McDaniel 6:20

to be with him for seven years and he was healthy and fine, right? Um, but now I'm able to be here and be with my mom and support her.

Judy Oskam 6:29

Well, and you know, the sense of community that I think you have there. Uh, people always think about, oh, I can never go home again. Can we go home again? I think we can.

Sara McDaniel 6:39

Yeah, you know, and uh that's that's a misconception, I think that you have to learn through age and appreciation, right? Because I was so ready to get out of Louisiana, you know, as soon as I graduated high school, got out, um, and you know, lived away from Louisiana for about 15 years. And I am so glad that I'm back home. Like I love where I live, I love my community, I love, you know, being near my mom. And it was absolutely the right decision.

Judy Oskam 7:07

Well, and sometimes we have to go full circle in life and in our journey, really, as far as where we live, where we work, and the kind of work we do. I mean, what does that say about how you have found your creativity through your corporate, successful corporate career and how you've kind of weaved that into a thriving business now?

Sara McDaniel 7:30

Gosh, uh, also, spoiler alert, like um I have another book coming out in like two years, and um, we haven't landed on you know the topic and the title and all that, but I'm really thinking about like how you trace that path, like things that happen to you when you're 14, 15, 20, 25 that get you to where you're going, right? And um, I am not an interior decorator, I'm not a designer, I'm not a contractor, but I've always loved houses, right? And I fell in love with old houses on a field trip in the fourth grade. Um, it's just like the Lord just like planted that little seed in my heart, you know. And you know, once I, you know, graduated and had my own houses, like I always loved to decorate, never dreaming like that it would be my full-time job. And so, you know, all things work together. I really, really believe that. And even today, you know, I actually was a teacher. I taught third grade and fourth grade. And even though I'm not teaching children per se, I'm using that skill set to share with others about home innovation. I'm just teaching the different things.

Judy Oskam 8:39

Well, and you are teaching us a lot on social media, on your videos, on all of your workshops and everything you do, I'm always following along and learning about even outfit of the day stuff, what to wear and where to go. But what does that say about someone? And you weren't quite in your midlife there, but you had to really make a shift. And some of us out there who are wondering, what do we do? How do we how do we do that? How do we get permission to do that?

Sara McDaniel 9:09

Oh my, well, I have to mention our our dear mutual friend Wendy Conklin of Chair Whimsy. So um honestly, like she and I connected and we both worked for the same publisher, and she was having all of these like entrepreneurial dreams and stirrings, and I watched her leave her job and become a very successful business person. And so I was having these same stirrings, you know, and so I would answer that and say, it's so important to have like a mentor or someone to look up to that has gone before you, and you can see the success that they've had and they can speak that life and truth into you. And they and Wendy gave me permission, if you will, to become a full-time entrepreneur.

Judy Oskam 9:56

Well, and there are a lot of people out there that might be listening that have always had a dream, but they don't really know how to get started. And what about, I'm sure you hit a some brick walls along the way.

Sara McDaniel 10:08

Yeah, um, again, this is very cliche, Judy, but you just have to you just have to jump in with both feet. Yeah, you know, and you just have to do it scared. I remember telling Wendy, like, um, I can't like like if this doesn't work out for me, like I don't have a husband to you know fall back on, you know. Yeah, just see. Um, but you just have to take some like bet the farm kind of risks. And if it doesn't work out, like something else will come along. That's just the way, and so far it has worked out for me. But I will tell you, I still have my teaching license. So if all this goes bad, like my backup plan is I could always go back to teaching if I had to.

Judy Oskam 10:49

Well, have

Midlife Career Shifts And Mentors

Judy Oskam 10:50

you always been sort of a planner? You've always had a plan B. Talk about that a little bit.

Sara McDaniel 10:55

Yeah, um, and that is honestly like if you talk to Laurel Emory, my coach, like that is my like kryptonite to a fault. Like, um, I am a planner. I'm very type A. I try to anticipate the things that will go wrong and have a plan in place, you know, whatever direction goes. But um, I have always had this plan in front of me. That being said, I hired Laurel to help me figure out like what that's going to look like.

Judy Oskam 11:25

Sounds like I need to hire Laurel. She's so great. So great. Well, and as far as our dream, I mean, I think part of it is, and I've read some of this, some of what when we think back about uh our dream, we wish we would have had it. We're sort of grieving what we lost. Did you go through that as well?

Sara McDaniel 11:45

I did. Um let me let me take that forward just a little bit, then I'm gonna go backwards. So, yes, like after my marriage ended, like I was grieving the loss of that, the loss of potentially like never being a mother, you know, and just the loss of maybe never having, you know, a partner or a spouse again. But you have to you have to go through it to get to it, you know. That's a one of those quotes we hear. And looking back now, you know, I'm about 15 years past that divorce now, and I would not trade a minute of it, Judy. I mean, it was horrible. It was so horrible. But the opportunities that have come my way, like I am not grieving the fact that I will never be another, you know. Um, I am getting married very soon. So, you know, the Lord has redeemed that story also. Um, so I think you grieve it in the moment, but then after you have some distance between that situation and your other side, you can see the glory that unfolds.

Judy Oskam 12:47

Well, and I I work with a lot of students who I think when they're in their 20s and they're graduating, they think there's this plan and they're gonna get out, and there's a plan. Yes. And I keep saying I started with life doesn't come with a roadmap. That's where I start. And I think how do you think uh what's the best way to deal with that when when the road is bumpy?

Sara McDaniel 13:11

Yeah, you know, and I can answer that from my perspective now. Um, obviously anything can happen. And I hope that I hope the worst of my life is behind me, you know, but I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be some heartache, you know, going forward. Um, but that being said, like, you know, I am on a trajectory now, you know, um, but I also hold it a little bit loosely because I know things can happen, I know plans can change, and I think the fact that I've gone through some stuff in the past, you know, will prepare me for anything that could come my way going forward.

Judy Oskam 13:49

Yeah, and you're you're a big believer in faith. So you really you think a lot of this is God's plan for you?

Sara McDaniel 13:59

Absolutely absolutely, 100%. Um, you know, and I my personal belief that I cannot, I could not have orchestrated the things that have happened to me since my divorce, right? I mean, you you can't force Better Homes and Gardens to call you and put you on the cover of their magazine, you know. Um, but all of these things have happened to me, and I've just leaned into them, you know, and just went with it. And it's really turned out better than I ever could have imagined.

Judy Oskam 14:31

So, what about the idea of leaning in before you feel like you're prepared? Have you ever felt fully prepared when you jumped in?

Sara McDaniel 14:39

No, no. Um, and I'll give you a perfect example. So I renovated these, you know, 19 uh 31 historic villas here in Minden, and I thought I was ready, you know, and I made a rookie mistake right at the beginning and realized, oh my gosh, like I jumped in with both feet. I was so excited that I didn't do some due diligence, you know. Again, it all worked out, but I think you just continue to trudge forward and then uh in teacher talk, monitor and adjust as you need to.

Judy Oskam 15:13

Okay, good. Yeah, that that's good. That's good. Well, and again, in teacher talk too, it's a teachable moment, right? Yes. So I want to ask you about your mama. How has your mama dealt with all of this?

Sara McDaniel 15:25

Oh goodness. Um, you know, we have this running joke between us when something happens to me in a good way, you know, or I buy another property or I start another business. I always tell her, I'm like, you made me this way. Like I couldn't raise myself, you know. But we are very different. Um, she's very, very introverted. She's very quiet. She does not like to be in the spotlight. You know, she's not an entrepreneur. Um, and so she is, she's very proud of me, but at the same time, she doesn't know where all this came from. And I'm like, I don't know, but I can't raise myself.

Judy Oskam 16:02

When you when you've started to kind of rebuild your own life, uh, you really were called to help women and children, and you founded

Faith, Risk, And Learning Fast

Judy Oskam 16:10

Phillips Cottage. I want you to talk about that and why that was important to you and what what Phillips Cottage is all about.

Sara McDaniel 16:19

Yeah, so my dad, I'm biased, obviously, but he was like the most incredible human. He spent 39 years in the public school system, retired as a guidance counselor. He was a bi-vocational pastor, traveled the world, like telling people like how much Jesus loves them, and he just loved others so well and deeply. And you know, um, just everybody loved him. Just and he loved everybody, didn't matter your skin color, your race, your political affiliation. Like he just he loved so big. So um when he passed away, there was a house that was for sale, kind of diagonal from my villas, and um, you know, the numbers didn't work to do another short-term rental, they didn't really work to do a long-term rental, but I knew I had to have this house to preserve the integrity of the street where my villas were. So, anyway, um I bought it and it became abundantly clear after he passed away that I had to do something to continue the work that he started. And so he did a lot of work with um like substance abuse, a lot of like counseling uh work. And so I started Phillips Cottage in his memory and in the honor of the legacy that he leaves us behind. And basically, we are a transitional home for women with children that graduate from Louisiana Teen Challenge, and so um our Louisiana Teen Challenge facility in Minden is one of the only facilities in the nation that will take in women with their children at no charge, and they go through an 18-month like detox rehabilitation program, and there was literally no place for them to go after after, right, to get a job, you know, um save some money, live affordably, and so we were able to provide this, we are able to provide this house to fulfill that transitional need for those mothers and children.

Judy Oskam 18:22

I love that, I love that. And have you have you told that story elsewhere to help other towns and cities to do something similar?

Sara McDaniel 18:31

So um it's actually gonna be when I don't know when this airs. I don't know if I can say out loud yet. It's gonna be in a um a major magazine. Oh, good. Okay, good

Building Phillips Cottage And Leaving a Legacy

Sara McDaniel 18:40

in the October issue. Um, and then I have you know spoken to other civic organizations and it's it's been shared like nationally a couple of times. So definitely other people are aware and hopefully are being inspired by that.

Judy Oskam 18:54

Well, and you coming back and coming home full circle, what's your dream for Minden? What do you want to see happen to Minden? Because there's so much potential there with someone with your expertise and and love.

Sara McDaniel 19:07

Yeah, so it's been so interesting. You know, um, I just happen to be the person who lives here, like with the largest platform, right? And so I'm the person that people see. I understand there's a whole team of people that, you know, are making this happen from you know, our mayor to our other entrepreneurs to our tourism board to our chamber of commerce, you know, other people doing these like bet the farm, you know, promises on properties. But um, you know, gosh, uh, I just want to see everybody come here. I want to see everybody love Mendon. I want to see, you know, tourists eating at our eateries and shopping at our shops and just loving our town, and then going back and telling others. And so ultimately, like leaving a legacy for our town.

Judy Oskam 19:57

I I love that. And I've seen the mayor. You had the mayor on your was it the HG, the the Magnolia Network program that you guys did.

Sara McDaniel 20:06

And he's actually been on HGTV and Magnolia with us, and he's uh he's my mayor and he's also my cabinet guy.

Judy Oskam 20:14

So that's right, that's right. I remember that.

Sara McDaniel 20:16

It's that typical like small town, you know, everybody's got multiple jobs.

Judy Oskam 20:22

Yeah, yeah. Well, I think there's such a such a a lore with small towns now. People from the big cities are wanting to find a place to put down roots, a place like Minden, you know. Yeah, yeah. What what what is it in our nostalgic brain that's making us think like that now?

Sara McDaniel 20:42

Gosh, there was um a study done, I believe it was in 2024, and it was called like the year of the small town, and just how people are flocking, you know, in groves to these small towns. You know, the the quality of life is better. Um, you know, people want to get out of that big city hustle and bustle and the traffic and the pollution. And Minden is known as the friendliest city in the South. And I mean, it is so true, Judy. Like you can walk down our streets and people will smile at you and have conversations with you. And so many of our reviews reflect that, you know. And so I think um, you know, they just want that nostalgic, you know, walking by on the sidewalk and waving at people on the porch and stopping by and sitting in the rocking chairs for a little bit. You just don't get in the big step.

Judy Oskam 21:31

No, no, I I love that. Well, and and looking back and looking forward, what would you tell someone listening who might be in a place where they do want to make a change and kind of find themselves again? What would you tell them?

Sara McDaniel 21:44

Again, cliche, I keep saying this, but life is so short. If there is something that, if there's a dream in your heart, like just do it. And if it doesn't work, like another door will open. But what if it does work? You know, what if it does work? Like I got these villas and it was touch and go, and some days it's still touch and go, but it is working, you know, and I will have this legacy that long outlives me.

Judy Oskam 22:13

Right.

Sara McDaniel 22:13

So I mean, it's just as simple as just do it. Like don't let life pass you by and you're 80 and you have regret.

Judy Oskam 22:20

That's right. I never want regrets, and I sure don't want my kids or my friends or family or anybody to have a regret. I'd rather them try and fail than than and wonder what if, you know. That's right.

Sara McDaniel 22:32

That's right.

Judy Oskam 22:32

I love that. Well, Sarah, thanks so much for chatting with us. I appreciate your time and expertise.

Sara McDaniel 22:38

Thank you for having me, Judy.

Judy Oskam 22:39

Here’s what stayed with me from my conversation with Sara. Sometimes Plan A doesn’t work out. And when it doesn’t, we may not be able to see Plan B yet. Sara didn’t have a roadmap for what came next. She went home. She started restoring an old house. She took one step, and then another. And along the way, she wasn’t just rebuilding a house. She was rebuilding her life. I think there’s something in that for all of us. We don’t always have to know where the next step will lead. Sometimes we just have to be willing to take it—and give ourselves permission to discover what comes next. I’m Judy Oskam. Thanks for listening to Stories of Change: Helping You Navigate What’s Next.