How Hair Loss Led Kelly Engram to a New Purpose | Encore

Intro

Kelly Engram 0:00

And I went to the grocery store and I was getting something out of the freezer section. I shut the door and I saw the reflection of myself in the door, and I was like, I'm wearing a wig. So you hadn't thought about it for a little? I hadn't, I was not thinking about it. It struck me like, oh my gosh, I am wearing a wig. And look at me, I look really cute. From that moment, everything changed.

Judy Oskam 0:31

Life doesn't come with a roadmap, and sometimes the thing that changes us isn't something we would have ever chosen. I'm Judy Oskam, and this is Stories of Change, Helping You Navigate What's Next. Kelly Engram's story begins with hair loss. What started as something deeply personal pushed her outside her comfort zone, and it changed the way she saw herself. But this conversation really isn't about wigs, it's about confidence, identity, and what can happen when you give yourself a chance to try something new. Kelly's curiosity eventually led her to create prairie fire hair and help other women dealing with hair loss. Here's my encore conversation with Kelly Engram.

Career Pivot And Teaching Purpose

Kelly Engram 1:22

I graduated and um was asked to uh to teach. And so I of course I was like, yeah, this is what I want to do. This is my thing. Yeah.

Hair Loss And The First Wig Attempt

Kelly Engram 3:40

And so um I did that. And while that I was doing that, as I I have hair loss. Um, and I've been sporadically having hair loss since I was 40 years old. I'm gonna be 57 this this summer. And um, and it's genetic, you know, androgenic alopecia. And so it would, I would go through like shedding phases and um, and I tried wearing wigs like 15 years ago, and I just couldn't do it. I just could not get into it. I went to a local wig shop in Austin, and they put me in something that was just not me at all. And so I just figured, well, this is what it is, this is what it's like. This is not it, this is not me. I can't do this. And so I just so I started wearing my hair in this little bitty short pixie and thinking like super bleach blonde short pixie. Really cute, by the way. I had no idea. So, and because like you know, it's short and and blonde, so I figured, well, the blonde matches my scalp, so you can't see it. Yeah, right. And um, and then one time um a few years back, I saw a picture of myself with the sun behind me, and you could literally see the outline of my skull through my hair. It was that thin. And I was just like, I can't do this. And also, um, I had over the years, I have lost over a hundred pounds three times. And so with that comes a lot of hair loss. Sure, sure. And I have found that that is a very common thing with um ladies who have turned to wig wearing. And so anyway, I started experimenting with wearing a wig again, and I started like just scouring YouTube because I found like there's this whole online community of wig wearers and um Facebook groups, YouTube videos, influencers, and I just became obsessed with watching all of that. And um, and so I started learning some things and some do's and some don'ts, and what I did that wasn't right, that that didn't work for me in the beginning was that putting me in me going from like a short blonde pixie to uh a 28-inch long dark brunette was not the thing. I learned from this online community that that was not the right thing to do. You need to wear something that is as close to your own hair as you possibly can because your brain is not used to seeing you that way. It is a is it is a perspective that you don't see yourself that way and it looks strange. It looks strange not only to you, but uh to your loved ones. It's kind of akin to a man who has been wearing a beard for a long time, and then one day he decides to shave it off, and then you're like, whoa, like you look like a completely different person. That's how it feels. And when it's sudden like that. So, of course, you know, when you lose weight, when you change your look in some way, a lot of times that happens over time. Gradually, maybe, yeah. And it's just not that noticeable. But when you're

Wig Community Lessons And Grace

Kelly Engram 7:05

just suddenly, bam, you're wearing uh your hair looks completely different. You think it it everybody knows you're wearing a wig. And it feels weird. It it there's a level of physical and emotional discomfort that is palpable. I mean, it is it's hard. And I found it very, very hard for me, and so many people within the wig community get that same thing. And there, if there's one thing that I try to get across, is that uh you need to give yourself grace to be uncomfortable. You need to give yourself a a chance. Don't be so hard on yourself because that's what it is. You're being so hard on yourself. I have this one client who um she has bought about 10 wigs, very, very expensive wigs, and she won't wear them outside of her house because she's like, Well, what happens if I'm in a restaurant and the waiter is like looking down and he can see the top of it and no amount of me saying he's not seeing your wig. Yeah, he's not seeing that, yeah, nobody's paying attention. People are so caught up in their own thing that nobody is realizing that you are wearing a wig. But you will not allow yourself the grace to just get over it, to to just kind of live with it, because once you can get over the hump of wearing a wig, the whole world opens up.

Judy Oskam 8:49

So, what does that do for identity? I mean, how does that kind of dive into that? Because you've kind of done all the research on solving a problem or an opportunity. You learned all that in school, and then how do you then target your audience? But you were solving some things for your own life as well.

Kelly Engram 9:10

It I don't know that I could have done this without experiencing it myself. Um so when I first started wearing wearing a wig regularly, in fact, one of the first times that I went out in public was uh at a faculty meeting. And I had a little short blonde pixie wig on that looked pretty much just like my hair. And I went into that meeting so paranoid that like everybody's like turning around and looking at me and and uh and no, they know that I'm wearing a wig, and I'm sitting there and I can feel it creeping back. Like I can actually literally feel it moving on my head. So I got up and went to the bathroom, totally fine. It's not moving, it's exactly where I put it. Went and sit down. I could feel it moving again. I don't know how many times I got up in that meeting because I was so paranoid about it. And and then I was just like, I just can't do this. I can't do it. And I thought, you know, so the first time I lost a bunch of weight, I remember that, you know, because they say that there it takes a certain amount of time to form a habit. And so I thought, I can't remember how long it is, like six weeks, eight weeks, something like that. And I I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna power through this. I'm gonna power through it until I form a habit. So that means in the morning when I wake up, I'm immediately gonna put this wig on my head and I am not taking it off until I go to bed at night. And you're gonna do it like you're a machine. You're not gonna think about it. Yeah, you're just gonna do it. And so I did. And I was so uncomfortable. Um, I would go to the grocery store and I would think, you know, that three-year-old little boy in the grocery cart over there is looking at me because he knows I'm wearing a wig. Wow. Wow. And, you know, you just it feels awful. Yeah. And so that's a mindset. It is a mindset. Yeah. It is,

The Moment Confidence Clicks

Kelly Engram 11:18

it is completely in your mind because you look great. And at one point, I remember it was three weeks in, and I was getting something out of the freezer section. I shut the door and I saw the reflection of myself in the door, and I was like, I'm wearing a wig. So you hadn't thought about it for a little bit. I hadn't, I was not thinking about it. It struck me like, oh my gosh, I am wearing a wig. And look at me, I look really cute. From that moment, everything changed. The way I felt about myself, the way I felt like I presented to the world, because when you have, well, you know, when you're when you're overweight, significantly overweight, when you have hair loss, it's like those are the things that are those are the things that the world sees. The world doesn't see my heart in your mind. The world doesn't see my mind, the world doesn't see my sense of humor, you know, um how I feel about anything. It just sees that, you know, I'm a fat girl with no hair. And when you can not have those things as your obstacle, now of course you're projecting, you're projecting your feelings from people. Sure. And when you don't have those obstacles, you know, when it's something that you don't have to think about anymore. And in fact, you can walk into a room and you're like feeling good about yourself and just be, and just be, yeah. Then all of a sudden, they can see your heart and they can see your your mind because you're allowing it. You are allowing the world to see the real you. Now, is this the same for everyone? Of course not, you know. Um, for me, I mean, and frankly, my hair was actually more of an obstacle to me than my weight was. You know, um, I was significantly overweight. You know, at one point I was 140 pounds overweight. And but for whatever reason, it that wasn't my the thing that messed with my confidence. It was my hair. And once I got over that, and once I realized so so that's kind of the hump that you get over. And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, but now I can wear all these colors and I can wear, I can be have long hair and short hair and curly hair, and sh like I could do, I can wear my hair like my wardrobe. Yes, yes. Then that's kind of when the glow up happens, you know, where all of a sudden, and who knows, maybe this has something to do with age too, or you just don't care.

Judy Oskam 14:29

Well, but I think what you're what you found a way to do is create your own glow-up. And then you're you're helping others do the same. Yes. Talk about how you kind of got into that and you're life-changing.

Kelly Engram 14:45

Well, because I am, I have an obsessive personality, and I was all about the wigs. Like I was, I mean, uh, and there's just like the whole online community of buying and selling wigs, you know, because you know, you buy something that's quite expensive and maybe it's not quite for you, and so you can sell it pre-owned to somebody else. And so this is there's a huge community. So I really got into buying and selling. I mean, at one point, I think I had about 200 wigs that I was wearing and buying and selling and trading, doing all the things. Yeah. And which got me more into like the whole history of wigs and the construction of them and all of the the nuances of of the industry itself,

Building Prairie Fire Hair

Kelly Engram 15:32

and which is completely unregulated. And so the the only way that you as a wig buyer can you have to find a trusted source. Sure. Because it's the Wild West, frankly. Yeah. And so um, but anyway, I could just got really into all of that. And then I end up, I found a a woman who in uh in Atlanta, Georgia, who is a wig maker for film and theater, and she does periodic workshops for people who are just wanting to learn how to repair and do all these things. And so I went to this workshop and met some wonderful people, and we learned how to ventilate, which is like actually hand knotting each hair onto lace to create the wig and repairing and doing all these things. And from that, and from that, and there were people within the industry who were taking that workshop. And so I was able to network with them and kind of understand more information. And then next thing you know, I am uh I'm I'm in the business. Yeah, yes, I'm buying wigs, I'm constructing wigs, I am uh lots of RD, lots and lots of failures, lots and lots of money down the drain. Um, but all the while just learning and learning. And um, and so I just decided to start and I had to really fight hard. Uh, you know, having that whole like imposter syndrome, you know, like I'm playing dolls. Yes, you know, like this is a real thing. Yes. And um it and I it was basically born from the fact that like I am so obsessed with this, I need to do something constructive. So that is your passion then. This is my passion. Yeah, teaching is my passion too. So like I have gone my whole life with being basically passionless. Well, and then and then like now, all of a sudden I have these two things that I absolutely adore. And both of those things have something to do with helping people achieve something for themselves. Yes. And um, whether it is a student or a woman who's experiencing hair loss, um, you know, it's it's kind of that level of just unadulterated compassion, um, no judgment whatsoever. Wherever you are in life, no judgment. And um, and just kind of helping you get over that hump. Because that happens a lot with students too, right? You know, they hit a wall at some point in the semester, and you can kind of see that happening, and you can reach out to them and and and see what's going on, and then how amazing is it when you know they they pull through and do great, and kind of the same thing for um when you help someone, you know, get their hair. Yes. Um, I have had communications, I mean, frankly, and this blew me away because while I had extreme grief and sorrow over my hair loss, I was never to the point where I felt like I needed to end it all. Right. I have had messages from women and I have had uh consultations, in-person consultations, where they've literally told me if I wasn't able to solve this that I don't want to go on. Oh my gosh. Is that important? Yes.

Judy Oskam 19:22

And it's identity, it's your it's your place in the world, and it's your own view of where you live in the world, yes, right? Yes.

Kelly Engram 19:31

I especially really difficult for for people who have had hair, who actually, you know, felt like their hair was their their crowning glory, you know, like you know, and then later in life, you know, you start losing your hair or it gets thinner, or you have an illness, or whatever the case may be, and you lose it, you literally have lost some part of your identity that you prized, that you you you cherished. maybe, but talk about your name, the name of the business, and why that name? Well, I wanted that evokes a lot of emotion, a lot of passion, and a lot of love for myself, because um I, you know, we're in the Texas Hill country and I absolutely love it here. And um, this has been my home for most of my life. And so I I was like, okay, from a branding standpoint, like what, like how can how can we how can I make this, you know, um make sense? And so I came up with prairie fire hair because um we have uh wildflowers. I mean, it's our area is known for for wildflowers, and one of those wildflowers is the Indian paintbrush. And um the um natives called it um the prairie fire because it's a red wildflower, and if you see it in a prairie, you'll know it, yeah, it's on fire with all these red blooms. And I just felt like, you know, boy, that is just it to me, it just has such a uh visual um presence. And and you know, I'm wearing a very long red wig right now, and to me. Like this is kind of like my, you know, what what hair would you want if you had if you could have any hair you want, what would it be? Well, I'm wearing it. And um it's and so like it's that's kind of what it was for me personally, and um, and also all of my wigs have names, which is very common for human hair. So for you it's about connection too. Oh, it's one connection about connection because without that, then uh it's just a business. Yeah, you know, this is more. This is so much more than a business. It's it is spiritual for me. And um the the amount of the amount of people who I have been able to help and who have been um so kind with and generous with you know telling me you know how it helped

Real-Life Transformations And Closing Advice

Kelly Engram 24:34

them.

Judy Oskam 24:34

Give us an example of that. Someone that that reached out to you, you helped them. What has it allowed them to change or do in their life?

Kelly Engram 24:45

Well, I think what it does is it allows them to have a life in many instances. Um, I have this woman in California, and she is in her late 60s, and she um her husband died many years ago, and she's having some health issues that caused her hair to fall out. She has been inside of her house. She has not left her house in months. She will only leave the house to go to the doctor, and when she does, she puts a scarf on her head, she puts a hat on top of the scarf, and that's how she leaves the house. Well, she found me, and I'm not even sure how she found me, but she found me and she sent me an email, and um, I I messaged her back and she was just like, Well, can we just talk on the phone? I'm not good at it with this email stuff. I'm like, Well, okay, sure. So she she left her phone number. So I called her and she answered the phone and I said, Hi, this is Kelly from Prairie Fire Hair. And she she's seen all of my social media. So she kind of was acting a little bit like I was a leopard. You kind of bark, you kind of are, and she started crying and was just like, I can't believe you called me. It was hope. He gave her hope. She's like, I cannot believe you called me. Yeah, like, well, yeah, why not? And and we had a long conversation about wigs. And um, and so she's like, you know, she really wanted a particular kind of wig that I didn't have in stock. And so I was like, well, it's gonna take me about a month to get what you want. And she was just like, okay, so I have to wait another month before I can go anywhere. And so I so I actually sent her two wigs for free. Um, they were actually my wigs that um that I wasn't really wearing wearing anymore. And so I was just like, and they were pretty much like what she was wanting herself. And so I was like, I'll just send them to you. And she's she she's like, okay. So she gave me her address. Uh, she also purchased a wig um on the phone. And uh I sent the wigs to her, and she, as soon as she got them, uh she called me just sobbing. And she was like, they're beautiful, and I can't wait to wear them out of my house. And in fact, I'm gonna go, um, I'm gonna go to dinner with a friend. I haven't seen her in two years, and we're gonna go to dinner, and um, I can't believe I'm doing this. Yeah, wow. And um, so she did, and then so she calls me all the time now. She's your buddy. She is.

Judy Oskam 27:40

Well, I love that. Well, and and your background, you have been an entrepreneur for a long time. Yeah. You have you you know the ups and downs of being an entrepreneur. How is this different? How is prairie fire hair different from your other ventures?

Kelly Engram 27:57

Well, I think my other ventures were um that I needed a job and I just kind of fell into it. It wasn't anything that I pursued. And you didn't create it. I didn't create it. There you go.

Judy Oskam 28:11

Yeah.

Kelly Engram 28:11

I did not. Um, and I was, like I said, I was a um a digital, or really back in the day, I was just plain old media uh consultant uh for these retail automotive dealerships. And um, and so yeah, I was just making money, helping, you know, sell cars.

Judy Oskam 28:32

Yeah, yeah.

Kelly Engram 28:33

And I did it well.

Judy Oskam 28:35

Yeah.

Kelly Engram 28:35

And um, but it just was never a passion for me, except for that it I had a job. Yeah. And to be able to actually do something for a living that is something that I think about all the time, that I want to do all the time. Um, I I am literally like curling hair at midnight. Not because I have to, but because like I actually yearn for it.

Judy Oskam 29:06

Well, and you you would just opened uh a brick and mortar store. I did. Actually, today is the first day. Oh my god, I can't believe you made time for us. Oh my god.

Kelly Engram 29:15

We we yeah, this past weekend was crazy getting all moved in. And um, and I didn't wanna, and that's the funny thing too, because like I didn't want to shut down. I wanted to just have like go from my at-home business to my my my commercial retail space without any break. And that was hard. Yeah. And um, and it was funny because like I constantly have to tell myself, you're the boss. You decide what you're gonna do. You don't want to work today, don't work today. It's fine. But I cannot because you allow myself to do that.

Judy Oskam 29:53

Well, I have another friend like that too. So she's probably listening, but well, what would you tell, you know, what would you tell people that really have a itch to scratch or they really have something they want to do and they want to jump into the entrepreneur world? What would you advise them to do?

Kelly Engram 30:12

Be a machine. Do what I did when I first started, when I first lost weight, when I first started wearing wigs. Make your plan, have it all written out and ready to go. And don't do it, or sorry, do it, but don't question yourself. Just get up and do it every day. Just get up and do it. And frankly, that is something that I got off of you.

unknown 30:41

Oh no.

Kelly Engram 30:43

Because you you did that TED talk. Yes, where it was just like basically just do it. Yes, take action and figure it out.

Judy Oskam 30:52

Right.

Kelly Engram 30:52

Yes. Don't just stop with the planning.

Judy Oskam 30:56

Yeah.

Kelly Engram 30:57

Right? You know you've got the plan all worked out. And then at that point, it's time to execute. Yeah.

Judy Oskam 31:06

Well, any last words to people listening who might have struggled with I don't know, self-image, not just hair, but any last words you want to leave them with.

Kelly Engram 31:18

I would say talk to somebody. Just talk to somebody, you know? And and I mean, I said this before, but allow yourself the discomfort of exploring uh those other parts of yourself. It's hard though. It's hard. It's one of the hardest things. It's hard. Yeah. I I tell women all the time, like, if you just give yourself a chance, yeah, just give yourself a chance. And you would be, you'll be so, so happy. And I'm not just talking about from my personal experience. I there are thousands of women who have experienced the same thing. Sure. And it's not necessarily just about wigs, it's just it's about everything. Give yourself a break. Love yourself and be kind. And you're not a perfect nobody is, but that that's completely okay. And nobody cares. You know, you don't need to be, you don't need to put project feelings onto other people because I guarantee you everybody else has their own thing that they're thinking about. Right. So yeah, it's it's just getting to the point where you can put everything aside and just wrap yourself up in a big hug. Because you deserve it. You deserve your own glow of. Absolutely, everybody does.

Judy Oskam 32:56

Kelly's story reminds me that change doesn't always start with a big plan. Sometimes we don't know where things will go. Sometimes it starts with something that makes us uncomfortable. We get curious and we try something. And somewhere along the way, we begin to see ourselves a little differently. I keep coming back to something Kelly said. Give yourself a chance. Give yourself some grace. Maybe that's the little bit of wisdom to borrow from this conversation. You don't have to have everything figured out. Give yourself a chance to take the next step and learn as you go. I'm Judy Oskam. Thanks for listening to Stories of Change, Helping You Navigate What's Next. And remember, every story has something to teach us.